最近从Parents杂志上读到一篇佳作, 列举了专家们对父母的五十个建议。我从中摘录十二项，其中八项是已身体力行的，四项是尚未实行或需更上层楼的，算是做母亲一年半以来的小小总结，更是对今后的期待。有人说，孩子并不是属于父母，他们是上帝给我们的“限时礼物”。在这些转瞬即逝的年月里，我想我的责任是帮助我的小宝贝们实现潜力，让她们成为最好最快乐的自己。

1.      “Don’t clip your child’s wings. You toddler’s mission in life to gain independence. So when she’s developmentally capable of putting her toys away, clearing he plate and dressing her, let her.” – Bella has always been encouraged to explore and test her new skills. At sixteen months, she drinks out of glasses, uses a fork and feeds herself, and also learned to wipe her mouth with a napkin. Yes, it often resulted in messier table, longer mealtime and more cleaning-ups for us. But little Bella is proud of her achievements, and so are we!

2.      “Say “I love you” whenever you feel it. You simply cannot spoil a child with too many mushy words of affection and too many smooches.” – I tell Bella how much I love her everyday. I wanted her to grow up as a secured individual with the assurance of our love. Recently, she has started to reward us with generous hugs and kisses, and she says the word “love” in Chinese “Ai”!

3.      “Read books together every day. Cuddling up with your child and a book is a great bonding experience that will set her up for a lifetime of reading.” – I grew up with books as my best friends. Bella has also started to show her interest. She seems to enjoy reading books together at bedtime everyday, and ironically, she falls asleep on them quite quickly.

4.      “Kiss and hug your spouse in front of the kids. You marriage is the only example your child has of what an intimate relationship looks, feels and sounds like.” – When Gabi and I exchange our kisses goodbye, Bella is always paying attention and she often joins us to blow a few herself.　

5.      “Don’t raise a spoiled child. Every child is a treasure, but no child is the center of the universe.” – If Bella cannot be adored by others as much as she is by me, I want her to be at least well liked, and being spoiled is a quality that will surely turn people away. Let’s face it, who likes a spoiled child, especially when she is not yours?

6.      “Be the role model your children deserve. Kids learn by watching their parents. Modeling appropriate, respectful, good behavior works much better than telling them what to do.”  – I have learned this one from my own childhood experience. I realized that the virtues and good habits that I inherited from my parents, are not the ones that they told me to have, but the ones they displayed. Being a parent makes me more conscious than ever of what kind of example I’m setting through my behavior, and in a way, helping me become a better person. 

7.      “Play with your children. Just go with the flow and have fun. That’s the name of the game.” – What happened to that woman who used to visit museums and shop at Saks, who always found time to enjoy opera, ballet, or that new “in” restaurant? Now she does on-line shopping, eats at the restaurants across the street, and is often in her pajamas hanging out with a little toddler. What can I say? Every time I look at the radiance in Bella’s eyes when she plays and laughs with me, I know it’s worth every minute. And I love it.

8.      “Don’t accept disrespect from your child. Never allow her to be rude or say hurtful things to you or anyone else.” – I hope Bella will learn to respect others from the way we treat her and each other. And she will learn this very basic lesson from an early age - you need to give respect to receive it.

9.      “Love your children equally, but treat them uniquely. They are individuals.” – Anticipating the arrival of the new baby, I asked myself the question of “equal love” countless times. And I find this advice both enlightening and comforting. 

10.  “Be vigilant about safety.” - You can never be too careful because accidents happen so quickly. Bella was sent to the doctor’s two weeks ago because her arm got popped out during a harmless play session with daddy – and this was the second time! I also clapped and sang as I watched her charging on her little horse rocker, then I watched in shock when she flipped over her head in just a couple of seconds…

11.  “Protect that smile. Encourage your kid to brush twice a day with a dab of toothpaste will guard against cavities.” Let me admit it – I failed on this one.  It was not until I noticed a slight chip on Bella’s little front tooth, that I started to cut down her bottle when she sleeps, and started to establish tooth-brushing as a part of the bedtime routine. And I still need to strive for consistency.

12.  “Savor the moments. Your house is a mess, the laundry’s piled up, and the dog needs to be walked. But you r kid just laughed. Enjoy it now – it will be over far too fast.” – As someone has been subscribed to “Elle Décor” for years, I sometimes look around the living room and start mentally editing out the less perfect items, such as the awkward childproof corner-sticks to our modern coffee table, the plastic walking toy Bella left at the corner…This advice helps me realize that my living room is just right - it is, after all, lived.